


If you could see into the future, what would you do?

by serenamarisa



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Character Death, M/M, My first fic, aaron new partner mentioned, almost fantasy, angst with heartbreak, no prison sentence, set after wedding 2018
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:55:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21918688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serenamarisa/pseuds/serenamarisa
Summary: Robert is psychic. When he has a vision of a tragedy waiting for him, he considers whether he should inform Aaron of the inevitable or leave things how they are naturally meant to be.
Relationships: Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden
Comments: 10
Kudos: 31





	1. The first vision

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this is not too upsetting for any Robron fans, i just wanted some angst among the current Emmerdale storyline.

A loud bang rang in his ears as he woke up, sweat dripping down his face. Was that what he thought? Did he just see his own death? Faint memories came flooding back to him as he caught his breath. The scrapyard. Whistling. Then nothing but the ringing in his ears. 

He looked down at the other side of the bed but it was empty, the duvet neatly laid across the mattress and the pillows stacked tidily. A note was scrawled across a messy piece of paper on top of the pillows.

_Liv missed the bus. Again. Taken your car to drop her off._

_Aaron._

Robert put the note down on his bedside table and made his way through to the bathroom. His breath was still shaky as he looked at himself in the mirror. His eyes were shadowed with black bags and the ringing made his eyes go fuzzy as he stared back at himself. Gazing into his own eyes, he was still trying to comprehend if the situation he just witnessed was a vision or a dream, when the door downstairs slammed shut and knocked Robert out of his thoughts. 

He made his way down the stairs and saw Aaron put a bag of shopping on the kitchen table. As he put his feet on the cold floor of the mill Aaron turned around and smiled apologetically.

"Sorry. I didn't meant to wake you" Aaron said wincing as he realised the time. 

"Nah, don't worry. I was awake before you came back anyway" Robert reassured him as he made his way over to the table to look inside the big bag of groceries, "What's all this for?"

Aaron tilted his head and stared at Robert. "My mum and Paddy are coming for dinner tonight remember? We planned it last week." he encouraged Robert to recall, "I thought I could cook something so they can see what a master-chef I am." he finished with a snort, Robert looking at him with over exaggerated disagreement. 

"Well I can't say I'm looking forward to it.. but I guess I can try." Robert joked and received a angry nudge from his husband. "What are you going to make anyway?"

"Like you don't already know" Aaron retorted sarcastically, "I know how fast that psychic brain of yours works. I bet you're already planning ways to get rid of the aftertaste."

Robert grinned, his husband was correct. He had just delved in his mind for a vision of what was to come that evening but was quickly reminded of the vision he'd woken up to. Butterflies flew around his stomach.

"Am I right or am I right?" Aaron said triumphantly, whizzing Robert out of his thoughts.

"You know me so well" Robert answered jokingly before he placed a quick kiss on Aaron's cheek and made his way towards the much needed coffee machine.

********************

Later that evening at dinner, Aaron couldn't help but notice something wrong with his husband. His eyes kept becoming distant in amongst all the chatting, as if he kept replaying something in his mind. 

Chas and Paddy weren't aware of Robert's ability so Aaron kept it quiet. Robert had promised that he would tell them but that was years ago the chance to tell them had gotten really low and he wasn't sure they would ever be able to tell them.

"So Robert, is Seb getting on well with Rebecca and Ross?" Paddy asked forcing Robert out of his daze.

"Yeah, but he's coming back next weekend, we are going to take him to the new park in Leeds" Robert explained as he cleared his throat. 

"Oh, really? Have you discussed it with Rebecca then?" Chas wondered, wiping her mouth with a napkin.

"No, I'll call her tonight" Robert said blatantly, completely forgetting the situation they were in.

"Well then how do you know-" Chas started but was cut off by Aaron trying to find his way out of the hole that Robert was digging. 

"Time for dessert!" He exclaimed in a loud voice. As he was collecting all the plates, he made eye contact with Robert who was looking at him apologetically. _Careful_ Aaron mouthed to his husband.

Once the evening was over and Chas and Paddy had finally left after congratulating Aaron on his cooking as if he'd just won an Oscar, Robert went over to the sink and filled up a glass of water, gulping it down in one go. Aaron looked over from his seat on the sofa as Robert let out a loud gasp after finishing.

"Was it really that bad?" Aaron asked sarcastically, smirking at his husband who did not look impressed. 

"No it's not the food, I'm tired" Robert explained, making his way over to sit next to his husband on the sofa. Once he got there he fell on his side and put his head in Aaron's lap, letting him stroke the side of his head. 

"So tired you almost outed yourself to our family?" Aaron asked, some humour in his voice. Robert groaned as he remembered the conversation about Seb from before further burying his face into Aaron's lap. "Sorry, I wasn't thinking. I'm just excited to see Seb" Robert admitted. 

"Me too" Aaron said as he turned Robert's head to face him. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to Robert's lips, smiling as he pulled away. Robert turned on his back so he was facing Aaron. They stared at each other and Robert's confession about his vision was on the tip of his tongue when his voice was competed with Aaron's. They both stopped abruptly and laughed at their collision of ideas.

"You go first" Robert encouraged, a wave of gladness came over him when he realised he could put off his confession for a moment.

"I was just thinking we could make up for this morning, considering I wasn't able to stay in bed with you as long as I would have liked to" Aaron smirked as he saw Robert's lips do the same. "And Liv isn't getting back until late so we've got a while"

"You read my mind." Robert lied as he quickly sat up and pulled Aaron off the sofa, guiding him upstairs.

It would have to wait. 


	2. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert knows that he only has a few weeks left so he tries to spend his time living as much as he can but Aaron worries something is wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter was mainly focused on Robert's point of view so this chapter is going to be more from Aaron's perspective as he struggles to determine what is wrong with Robert.

Robert doesn't usually have nightmares. His 'dreams' are usually visions, so if there was a 'nightmare' it would mean something bad was coming. Aaron woke up to a bounce in the bed. Robert was sat up rubbing his head as if he was trying to scrub clean his temple.

"You alright?" Aaron asked, some concern in his voice. He put a hand on Robert's shoulder but was shoved off by the movement of him standing up from the bed and putting the duvet back.

"Fine" Robert answered not looking at Aaron, "a nightmare that's all." 

Aaron's heart sunk, "Does this mean-" he started to question.

"No." Robert quickly fired back. "It was a nightmare. Not a vision. I'm sure."

Aaron closed his mouth and started getting himself up from the bed. He watched as Robert walked straight into the bathroom, not saying a word. He went downstairs and pulled out two mugs from the cupboard, poured water into the kettle and waited for it to boil. 

_How can he be so sure it wasn't a vision? Robert doesn't get nightmares. ever._ Aaron thought to himself while waiting on the kettle. 

Once the kettle was boiled and he'd made the teas, he called up to Robert who - almost literally - leapt down the stairs. He ran up to Aaron and gave him a bear hug, out of the ordinary. 

"Woah, what's all this about?" Aaron asked, pleasantly surprised to be receiving a hug but confused as to why it was happening.

"What? Am I not allowed to hug my husband?" Robert asked as he pulled away from the surprise show of affection.

Aaron frowned at his suggestion. "No. You've just had a bit of a mood change, that's all. From earlier?"

"Yeah well that was earlier, Aaron. Live in the moment, eh? And in this moment... I think we should kiss." Robert said, locking eyes with Aaron, a small smile on his face.

Aaron blushed, letting out a small giggle. "Hmmm, I don't know Rob, I haven't even had my tea yet-" Aaron pretended to consider with a smile but was met with a small frustrated sigh from Robert. "I'm joking, of course we should." he admitted as he pulled Robert's lips to his and felt Robert's smile against his own.

********************

They had spent that day in the new theme park in Leeds. Seb was too young to go on most of the rides but they took him on the baby rides and went to the funfair with him. Robert had insisted on winning him a big fluffy bear so he spent all of his change and some of Aaron's just having turns on the cup pong. In the end, the man just gave it to Robert as he was probably getting fed up of him losing. 

On the drive back from the theme park, Robert was overly excited. He knew that they only had Seb for that weekend and they had to take him back to Liverpool the next evening but he was already planning so many things that they could do the next day - a lot of it would need lots of planning.

"Rob, you know we can't do all that in one day." Aaron told him after he'd finished telling him the schedule for the next day "Seb will be way too tired out, _I'll_ be too tired out."

"I just want to make the most of the time we have together" Robert said with a hint of sadness

"You'll see him again, Robert. He's going to Liverpool, not Mars" Aaron chuckled. He was met with silence as Robert's smile faded. Aaron knew he'd said something wrong. He knew how much Seb living with Rebecca had impacted him and the fact they couldn't find a good surrogate had also made that a bigger impact. The rest of the drive home was quiet. Small talk here and there but Robert's mood had dropped suddenly and could only mutter a few words to his husband.

When they got back to the mill and Seb was asleep, Aaron sat at the table and rifled through their post. Robert still hadn't said anything to him about why he was so eager to spend time with Seb and was almost avoiding Aaron altogether. Finally, Robert came downstairs with a toy that needed cleaning and made a beeline for the sink, completely ignoring Aaron. 

"You know we live together so you'll have to speak to me at some point." Aaron chirped up after a few minutes. Robert's back was still turned to him scrubbing at a toy aggressively, "If this is about the nightmares-"

"It's nothing Aaron." Robert replied quickly, still focusing his eyes on the toy in his hands, "Get off my back."

Aaron scoffed. "I'm not _on your back,_ Robert. I'm worried about you. You were in a right mood this morning, a crazy mood during the day and now you're just giving me the cold shoulder. Your mood swings are all over the place."

There was silence for a moment until Robert finally stopped scrubbing the toy and sighed. "The nightmare just freaked me out, okay? But that's all it was - a nightmare. Nothing more, nothing less" That was a lie.

"Then why won't you talk to me?" Aaron asked as he walked over to the sink and put his hands on Robert's shoulders.

"I didn't want you to pity me. I'm not a weak boy who's scared of the monsters under his bed. I'm psychic for heaven's sake, the monsters should be scared of me!" Robert said as he turned around to look at Aaron. Aaron laughed at his comment which made Robert smile too, which eventually broke into in small laugh. "I'm sorry, for ignoring you. It's just the knee-jerk reaction when I'm upset."

"I forgive you." Aaron said as he leaned in to kiss Robert, "And for the record, you're not scary. I think this whole psychic thing is pretty sexy."

"Oh shut up" Robert joked as moved his face toward's Aaron's and placed a kiss onto his lips.

********************

Later that night, Robert woke up sweating, again. He'd been having the same dream over and over again. This was the only vision he'd been seeing for the last few days. Nothing came after it. He looked over at Aaron who was sleeping on his stomach, sprawled across the bed. His heart lurched as a sob made its way out of his mouth. This sight was so precious to him now. Now that he knew what was going to happen and he knew there was nothing he could do about it. 

This was the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is short the next one will probably be longer. Thank you for the comments and kudos! This is the last 'happy' chapter before the real heartbreak starts. Sorry!


	3. His last moments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert knows his death is coming -today- and that there is nothing he can do about it. Aaron tries to deal with the devastating consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a death fic, and eventually there will be mentions of Aaron moving on. I have now put it in the tags but if anyone doesn't like this kind of stuff then I wouldn't recommend reading. Thank you for reading this far if you have!  
> This chapter is sad, there will be mentions of things some people may find upsetting, so read with caution.

Robert didn't sleep the night before. He lay awake thinking of the future - as he couldn't vision it anymore. He thought about how Seb would grow up without a dad, how maybe Ross could become his father figure or he'd be told all these horror stories about Robert and maybe grow up hating him. He wished on everything he had that Seb wouldn't buy into those stories and he would trust Ross as much as he did, but Rebecca loved Ross and he knew deep down that Ross loved Seb just as much as he did. 

Aaron stirred in his sleep, kicking his feet into Robert's shins. Robert looked over at him and saw his eyes fidgeting underneath his eyelids. He pulled the duvet over the both of them so they were almost fully underneath and he just lay there. He lay there looking at every feature in Aaron's face, indenting everything into his mind and promised silently that he would never forget any feature of the face he loved so dear.

For hours he lay there watching Aaron sleep. Creepy? maybe, but Robert knew he would never get a chance to see this again, so he was taking all the chances he could get. 

"You look terrible" Aaron said through a mouth full of toothpaste. It was 6am and he was getting ready for a convention in Leeds when he realised how tired Robert looked.

"Thanks, I always love a compliment in the morning." Robert joked back as he pulled his trousers on. 

Aaron laughed as he spat the remaining toothpaste out into the sink. "I'm being serious, did you even sleep last night?"

"Yes, I did. I just think I had too many drinks last night" Robert tried to get out of it, knowing he hadn't slept a wink. 

"Maybe next time I'll stop you after two then." Aaron teased as he crawled onto the bed and playfully and scruffed up Robert's hair - much to his disapproval.

Robert smiled sadly. He knew there wouldn't be next time. No next time for anything. No more days out with Seb and Liv, No more drinks to stop drinking, No more hair to scruff up and No more sarcastic compliments. He knew he would miss them the most. 

Aaron's phone rang on the bedside table. "It's Ellis. He's outside."

"Already? Tell him to wait, you'll be there well early if you leave now." Robert stated, trying to take the phone off his husband. Aaron pulled the phone away and texted Ellis that he would be out soon.

"He can't just wait outside, Robert." Aaron insisted. "Anyway I'd rather be way too early than be late and miss everything, I wouldn't want to steal _your_ thing."

"Can't you just stay five more minutes, please?" Robert pleaded, "I'll whip up some coffee you could take for the journey, I won't see you until tomorrow."

"I have to go, Robert. It's just one day, don't miss me too much." Aaron dismissed quickly. He gave Robert a quick kiss on the cheek before rushing off downstairs. "Love you!" He shouted up before walking through the front door.

"Love you too." Robert whispered to himself as he slumped back onto the bed. 

***********************************

He left the letters in the safe at the mill. Five letters for the five most important people. He hoped Aaron would find them, maybe not straightaway but eventually. He had hoped that they would never have to read them and that he would go back that afternoon and take them out as if they were never there - but he also knew deep down that he was getting his hopes up just thinking about it. 

After he'd locked up, he left the keys in the flower pot by the front door. He didn't know why there was a flower pot there, they never bought flowers. It was only then that he wondered. _Why did he never buy flowers?_ He looked up at the house. The house he'd built for him, for Aaron, for Liv and eventually it was for Seb too. He thought about all the memories he'd made there and imagined all the memories they could have made there. Liv getting into university and them having a small party-just the four of them. Seb bringing back his first girl or boyfriend and him and Aaron embarrassing him so much that he'd turn pink. He then imagined himself, and Aaron when they are eighty something, still living in the same house with the same wallpaper, the same stairs and the same _love_ for each other. He smiled at the building before turning around leaving only tracks in the pebbles on the driveway.

As he was walking through the village, he walked past the pub, the shop, _the garage._ How could so many places mean so much to him? So many memories and so many feelings were all packed into buildings and hung up on the walls in the pub. He remembered it all so clearly. All the moments he wished he'd savoured and all the times he'd wished were different. He left out a frustrated breath mixed with a sob, almost letting his knees give way. He then composed himself and remembered; he didn't regret anything, not really. He'd been glad that he had spent his most important years with the most important people in his life. Maybe he wasn't great all the time. He wasn't always the nicest or most generous but he always knew that every bad thing he did, there was always a good thing that he could do to make up for it. Whether it was helping Paddy with the drinks at the bar or lending Liv a fiver to get crisps for her and Gabby, he knew he'd been good. As good as he could. Even the bad stuff he'd done, he didn't regret it. All of that led up to what he has now and he couldn't be more thankful of the people who had forgiven him, let him be himself and still loved him for it. 

After all, if anyone knew anything about how time works, it's him. He turned on his heel towards the scrapyard, like any other day and awaited what was going to come.

********************************

Chas had called him twice. Once during a conference and second during a friendly talk with another haulage company. Aaron knew she was just calling to check up on him but he knew he would get to her later, she knew he was busy today. 

The third time his phone rang, Ellis was busy chatting to a woman from a company in Newcastle - flirting more like. He'd excused himself from the awkward conversation and took his phone out of his pocket. _13:45_ he thought _only one hour left of this hell hole._ With a sigh he answered the call from his mum.

"Hi mum, you do know I'm actually doing work out here, I'm not just having a day off" he answered with slyly. 

But the other end of the line was unusually quiet.

"Mum?" Aaron asked, signalling to Ellis that he was leaving through a door into some peace and quiet. "Mum, what is it?"

A sniff was heard on the other side of the phone followed by a shaky breath. " _There - There was a fire. At the scrapyard, Aaron. A - um- a gas canister blew up or something-_ " she started to sob. Aaron sighed, almost relieved nothing too serious had happened and stifled a little laugh.

"Mum, don't worry, half the stuff there is scrap metal anyway." he reassured her, "it doesn't matter, we can sort it."

More sobs came from his mum's end of the line, " _No, Aaron you don't understand_." she breathed through her sobs.

At that moment Ellis walked through the door, grinning but was soon met with Aaron's confused face as he held the phone up to his ear. _What's wrong?_ Ellis mouthed but Aaron shook his head and looked in the other direction, concentrating on what his mum was telling him. 

"Mum, what-" he started but the next few words were enough to stop him saying any more.

" _Robert was there_."

His breathing hitched and his heart jumped in his chest. "What?" he managed to whisper out. 

" _He was there, when it exploded. I don't know how, I don't know why - there was this massive bang and then flames and_ -" Chas started to explain but was interrupted.

"Well, is he okay? Did it hurt him?" Aaron asked forcefully, tears already forming in his eyes. 

Chas let out a sob, " _Aaron he - he was near it when it blew up. They tried to get him out but-it was too dangerous. Aaron I'm sorry - I'm so sorry_ " she answered as she broke down in tears.

Aaron felt like he'd been stabbed in the chest. His eyes filled up with tears, his body filled with sobs but his mind filled with denial. 

"No he- he wasn't there today, he's not supposed to be there, _he_ _wasn't there_ " he tried to argue but he knew, he knew that Robert had a big pick up today at eleven. He knew he was supposed to be there but he also knew Robert wouldn't let this happen. _How could Robert not know?_

The comforting words from Chas coming from the phone and the confused words from Ellis behind him were all a blur of white noise as he slid his back down the wall, coming to a rest on the floor. 

_This can't be happening. This isn't happening. No. No_

_********************************_

The drive back was a blur. Aaron spent it glaring out the window as miles of fields passed them by. Ellis was driving. He'd had to call off the convention to get Aaron back home, Chas had demanded.

Aaron didn't speak the whole way home. He couldn't speak. He was still processing everything his mum had told him, still in denial that Robert was gone. _How could he go without telling me?_ Aaron thought, _He must have known what was going to happen, he always knows._

When they got back in Emmerdale, police cars and fire engines were scattered. Ellis pulled to a stop outside the pub and tried to help Aaron out. Aaron swatted his hand away and he stepped out of the car by himself, looking around at the smoky atmosphere. The smell of gas was all too familiar and the blue tape across the entrance to the scrapyard was flapping in the wind. He let out a shaky breath as the truth hit him. There really was an explosion. There really was smoke creeping it's way into his lungs and this meant way too much was also true; that Robert really was gone.

"Aaron." a voice called behind him. He turned around to see his mum step out of the pub door and run towards him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. He flinched at the sudden impact and quickly squeezed her back, before pushing her off slowly. 

"Where is he?" he asked painfully, looking at the pebbles below his shoes.

"Who? You mean-" Chas questioned, trying to look into her son's eyes.

"Robert." Aaron told her, lifting his head to look at her. He saw Charity and Marlon had appeared and were stood in the pub doorway behind her, the same sympathetic look plastered on both of their faces. He looked back at his mum. "Where is he?"

"Aaron, I told you." Chas started, confused but was cut off.

"I know what you said, mum." Came the reply through gritted teeth, "Is he here? Is he at the hospital? Is anyone _with him_?" Aaron asked, a sob growing in his chest. He tried so hard to not think about Robert lying somewhere, alone. Like he had been when he.. when he died. 

"Diane and Victoria are there, at the hospital. They went with him when he was taken but Aaron- he was.. he was already gone before they could get him into the ambulance." Chas said calmly, putting her hand on his shoulder but was shrugged off quickly. 

"Well I want to see him." Aaron demanded, with more confidence but was still looking broken. His eyes were filled with tears but he wasn't letting any drop not yet. 

Charity tried to argue from the doorway but Marlon soon cut her off, signalling to Chas. "You take him, we'll manage here."

Chas nodded her head at Marlon and Charity before turning back to Aaron who was refusing to make eye contact with her, instead looking at the stone wall of the pub, tears glistening in his eyes as he tried to keep his composure. She gave him a sympathetic smile as she nodded at him and gently led him back to his car, thanking Ellis for bringing him. 

**************************

Arriving at the hospital was when the situation really clicked in Aaron's brain. He'd been here a million times. He always knew that whenever he came here, something bad had happened. But this time it was different. This time, this time he felt empty. He wasn't nervous to go inside, he wasn't dreading seeing Victoria instead he didn't want to go inside because then he would have to accept it. He would have to accept that Robert was gone, that he would no longer be there to hold him when he felt like this. He felt a small wave of anger when he realised that he needed Robert right now, but Robert was the one making him feel like this.

The walk to the waiting area felt longer than it had ever felt before. Seeing Victoria sat down, her head in her hands, staring into nothing made his heart pang in his chest. He couldn't really remember what happened but he could sense Victoria hugging him and leading him into a room.

When he was in the room, the door shut behind him. He wasn't alone, a man dressed in white was stood in the corner saying some words to him. The man needed his confirmation that the man laying on the bed in front of him was, in fact, Robert.

The man on the bed _was_ indeed Robert so Aaron nodded his head violently, tears starting to make their way out of his eyes. The man wrote on his notepad then left the room, the door shutting silently behind him. But this wasn't Robert, not really. The man on the bed had pale skin and white dusty hair, Robert's skin was a soft glow of brown and his hair was a golden yellow which stuck out messily at the top. This man’s face was covered in red marks and black circles had made their way around his eyes. Not a freckle in sight. Robert's freckles were the map to his face, without his freckles, he wasn't _Robert._ Not the Robert that Aaron loved anyway.

Aaron made his way towards the bed and was about to reach his hand out to touch the still body when he stopped. He closed his eyes tightly and just imagined Robert sleeping soundly on the bed next to him, drool dripping from the side of his mouth onto the pillow below his head. Aaron laughed at the memory but his mind was flooded with the image laying in front of him. The laugh turned into a sob as he opened his eyes again and was met with the ghostly pale body laying in front of him. His stomach lurched but he was able to hold it in, unlike the tears in his eyes. He pulled a hand over his mouth as the tears flowed freely from his eyes, dampening his face. A sob racked his body as he fell to a crouch on the floor in the middle of the room, diverting his eyes from the bed in the corner. His legs gave way and he fell with a thump into a seated position on the floor. The sobs turned into a cry as he curled up, leaning over himself and hiding his wet face in his arms.


	4. Morse code

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the accident affects Aaron and he tries to work out why it happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been working on this chapter for ages because I kept losing interest but now I am determined to finish it!

Aaron stayed at the pub with Chas and Paddy for a few days. They were fussing and he hated it but he couldn't go back there. To their house. Where he, Robert and Liv had lived once, blissfully unaware.  
However the question was always in the back of his mind. He was still in shock at the beginning that he'd forgotten all about it but as he started to think, it was nagging at him. How could Robert let it happen? Surely he knew? Surely he would have said something. Aaron forced his memory to think back to that last day with Robert. God, it felt like such a long time ago. He hadn't noticed anything wrong. He was just... normal.

Vic walked into the back room of the pub to see Aaron sat on the sofa staring down at his hands. She still hadn't gone back to work full time but she was helping Marlon every now and then. She'd said that there was no point in the business suffering just because she was. Aaron wasn't one to argue.  
"Hey, Aaron." she said softly as she poured a glass of water. Aaron just stared forward, the question flying around in his head  
"Earth to Aaron." joked Vic as she walked over to him and waved a hand in front of his face, "what's going on?"  
Aaron made eye contact with her but quickly looked down at his lap. "Nothing much, not anymore." he said dryly which made Victoria sigh and sit on the coffee table opposite him. She took his hand in hers but he quickly pulled away.  
"You know he wouldn't want you like this." she whispered. He hated that. He hated how everyone suddenly knew everything about him. They didn't. They didn't know the half of it.  
"You don't know that." Aaron said sadly, "nobody knew anything. That's why he- why he-"  
"Why he what, Aaron?" she asked, confused, trying to catch his eye.  
He sighed and wiped a hand across his face. He couldn't tell her. She wouldn't believe him and Robert never wanted her to know. He didn't want her to worry or think he was weird. So Aaron changed the subject.  
"Did he seem weird to you? You know, before." he asked her, finally making eye contact.  
"I-um- I can't remember when I last saw him. In the pub probably but I don't think I noticed anything different." she admitted, "why do you ask."  
"Oh, it's nothing, just curious." he replied.  
Vic seemed to catch on and leaned forward, putting a hand on his shoulder. This time he let her.  
"It was an accident, Aaron. The police said there was nothing suspicious about it - just in the wrong place at the wrong time." she soothed, rubbing her hand softly down his forearm.  
"But he shouldn't have been there in the first place." Aaron's voice cracked and his eyes started to sting. He wiped at them furiously but Victoria just looked at him sadly. "He should have known, he should have stayed at home. If he knew, then why did he go?"  
"There's no way he could have known, Aaron. No one knew." she tried to reason with him but he stood up quickly.  
"No you - you don't understand." he said quickly before rushing out the door and ignoring the calls of his name behind him.

He stood at the top of the mill driveway. It was raining. Their cars were still there, occupying a dry patch of stones. Aaron remember how he'd nagged Robert to get a new car, his Porsche was almost on its way out and was becoming increasingly harder to drive but Robert had persuaded him that a little tender loving care would make it as good as new. He was wrong. As usual.  
Aaron's heart tugged as he thought about the look on his face. The smirk on his face once Aaron had dropped the matter. It was annoying. He hated it, but he loved it. He missed it.  
Letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding in, he started to walk towards the front door. His heart was beating hard in his chest and his hand struggled to get the key in the lock due to his hands shaking so much. Finally, he opened the door and the musty air hit him. The smell invaded his senses. The smell of home.

His eyes started to water but he quickly coughed and pulled himself together and took a deep breath in as he walked through the front door.  
It felt like a lifetime since he'd been in that room. He looked around at the photos framed on the mantelpiece and the weird drawings on the wall. Not his choice, obviously. He stepped further in but something caught his eye. Robert's leather jacket. He reached over to pick it up from the arm of the chair and hesitated as he brought it up to his face. Aaron inhaled the scent, the one he'd dreamed about for the last few days, the one he thought he'd never smell again.  
Suddenly, fire rose through his body and he gripped the jacket tighter. He threw the jacket at the mantelpiece and sent the decorations crashing onto the wooden floor. He sobbed and breathed heavily as he walked over to the mess on the floor. He lifted the jacket and put it behind him as he picked up the smashed photo frame. It was a photo of Robert from wales. He was resting his elbow on a metal gate, gazing down at the small sheep. They'd gone to a sanctuary and they had all kinds of animals. Aaron remembered Robert's disgust at the smell but he soon got used to it and enjoyed watching the animals.

Aaron felt a tear roll down his face and catch on his lip. He wiped it off his lip and stepped back to fall onto the sofa, leaning on the arm. He felt something dig into his back and awkwardly pulled it out from underneath him. A toy truck. It was one of Seb's. God, Seb. He hadn't even thought. How could he forget? Seb's lost his dad and he hasn't even tried to call Rebecca, he hasn't even thought about calling him. Aaron felt his emotions bubble up as he gripped onto the toy truck and held it to his chest. He put his arm over his eyes and cried into it. 

*****

When he woke up, it was dark outside. He looked at the clock and it showed half past 12. He thought he should go up to bed but he hesitated. He wasn't ready to lie in the bed without him. He'd never be able to. He can barely face being in the house without him. Everything told him he shouldn't but he did. He found himself walking up the spiral staircase and standing outside the door to their room. 

The bed was tidy, for once. Robert always made sure it looked nice, for a reason beyond Aaron's understanding. Aaron chuckled to himself as he remembered the annoyed look on Robert's face one time he came home after work and Aaron hadn't put the pillows back on the bed. 

_"What's the point in tidying it if we're gonna mess it up again in a few hours?" Aaron argued_

_"There isn't supposed to be a point, Aaron. The pillows and the blankets go on the bed to make it look nice during the day. The same reason why you change out of your pyjamas when you're just going to get back into them in the evening." Robert retaliated._

_"Fine. Neat freak." Aaron joked picking a cushion up off of the floor and throwing it at him._

Aaron walked over to the end of the bed and carefully picked up a singular cushion laying on the floor. He carefully propped it up against the headboard on Robert's side of the bed. He sat down on the side and looked over at the bedside table. An ugly lamp and a clock sat in the corner, accompanied by a work diary and a book. A comic book, one of those Japanese ones you read backwards. Aaron had never really looked at it, just gently bullied Robert for being a geek. 

When Aaron picked up the book something fell out onto the floor by his feet. His eyes diverted to the floor and gasped as he saw what it was. 

His ring. 

His wedding ring.

A million thoughts ran through Aaron's head. _Why wasn't Robert wearing his ring? Did he forget to put it back on after a shower? Did he leave it on purpose?_ His thoughts all came back to one thing. 

He knew. Robert knew and he still went. He knew he was going to die and he still died. He knew he was going to leave Aaron and he didn't even tell him. Aaron jumped up from the bed and shook the book, looking for any other sign. He lifted up the duvet, lifted the mattress, looked behind the lamp an underneath the clock. He must have left something else. Finally, he looked in the cupboard underneath the bedside table. The safe. He pulled out the heavy, metal box and sat on the floor with it in front of him. An eight digit code. Aaron tried Robert's birthday, Seb's birthday, both their wedding days. None of them. He desperately tried to think of a date. A date close to Robert's heart. One that would be hard to think of. 

Aaron flipped through the diary on his desk, looking for dates with events on them. None that he hadn't already thought of. Aaron threw the diary on the ground and pushed at the box. "Come on, Aaron think." he angrily said to himself. He rested his head on the side of the bed and looked over at his own bedside table. The torch was still there from when they'd done shadow puppets with Seb. All of them were sat in their room because the thunder and lightning outside was so loud that none of them could sleep so Aaron decided to distract Seb by getting a torch out and showing him some shadow puppets. He'd really enjoyed it. 

_"Dragun!" Seb exclaimed as Aaron did his best to try and create an outline of a dragon on the bedroom wall._

_"Dragon?? More like a headless chicken" Liv had commented sarcastically and had a cushion thrown at her head. "Just 'cos he's too young to know any different doesn't mean you're suddenly a shadow artist."_

_"Shut up, you" Aaron laughed as he continued to make animals on the wall._

_Robert looked at Liv. "hey, Liv. As you're too 'mature' for shadow puppets, how about I show you something cool."_

_"You? Cool?" she giggled but still sat up, interested, "OK then, what is it?"_

_"I can teach you Morse code." Robert stated excitedly. Aaron snorted and looked back at them._

_"You know Morse code?" he asked in disbelief._

_"How do you think I hid things from Andy and my dad? Yeah I used all sorts of codes. Morse, phonetic, numerology.."_

That was it. Aaron looked back down at the safe and turned on the password screen. Eight numbers. No. Eight _letters._

He started to type the numbers in. It wasn't a date. It was a name. The machine beeped as he pressed each number.

1 1 18 15 14

Aaron. 

His stomach fluttered as the machine beeped quickly and the door was gently pushed open. He opened the door wider and inside were five white envelopes.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave kudos and comments so I know whether to carry on writing or not!


End file.
